so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
