he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
