we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
