he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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