I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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