My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
