just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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