We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
