weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
