I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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