Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
