dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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