my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
