Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
