dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
