My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
