Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
