I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
