you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
