Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
