Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
