My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
