my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
