I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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