is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
