just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
