dude i'm inner monologue high
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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