I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
