Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
