Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
