and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
