ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
