I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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