There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
