i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
