he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
