all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
