Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
