this just has baby written all over it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
