me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
