the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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