I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
