someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
