Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
