Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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