Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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