shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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