maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
