I could have mohawked her pubes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
