it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
