In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
