there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize