So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
