sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
