When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
bring money and cleavage
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
