I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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