***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
