matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
