We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
