Sponge bath it is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
