Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Success! We fucked roommates!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
