Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
