you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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