what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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