well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Farmville is her only friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
