She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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