Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
is that a dick in a sweater?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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