the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
